"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
