I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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