I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
