i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
