I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
