Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
