I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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