Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
