My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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