laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
