Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
