you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Brb crying the tears of my youth
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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