the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
