My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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