I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
