I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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