The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
