I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
