Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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