guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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