his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
