1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
