I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
