so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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