If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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