Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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