I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
