Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
