If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
