Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize