In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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