Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
