i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
