i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
