I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
