She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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