I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
