I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
