He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
