I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
