lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
