How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
