so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
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I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
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He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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