So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Soap is not a condiment
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
