What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
