i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
