Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
