No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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