i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
