i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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