I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
