We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
