You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
