She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
