Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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