being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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