You're completely useless in the revolution.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
smell my finger.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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