Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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