Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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