is your mom at the bar?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
