My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
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I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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