My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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