I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
