when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
