I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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