I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
