spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
