I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
