you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have tasted many bathrooms
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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