We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
