hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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