I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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