my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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