somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
