I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
