i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
