is your mom at the bar?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
