I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
