Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
