You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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