just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize