i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
