your thong is hanging out like whoa
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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