just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
