Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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